Thirteen Ways to Die
by Miss Lead
Summary: Thirteen cats. Thirteen one-shots. Thirteen deaths, from suicide to genocide, from the cat that tried to make a difference to the cat that just wanted to be left alone. Rating for obvious reasons. --Give me a couple of weeks to continue. will never discon
1. Suicide

A/N:

Sooo...yeah. Putting up 13 one-shots of how a cat might die. Yes, suicide is highly unlikely, but so is a blind cat seeing starry cats in his dreams and being able to tell exactly what another cat is feeling, so sue me.

Flames are considered spam and sent to a monty python style restaurant. NARHAR.

**lykttlyreviewplz**

_This is my last resort…_

"Jump higher next time." The same old snapping voice of my father, my mentor. I jumped as high as I could and tried to catch the bird, but it wasn't good enough. It was never good enough for my father.

"I tried!" I protested, but this only earned me a slash on the cheek from his unsheathed claws. I turned and gazed angrily at him, but kept my head and tail low as I scampered back to camp. He saw this as a sign of obedience.

I saw this as acting like a witless dog.

"You got hurt again?" The medicine cat, Rosefire, complained. She didn't know. No one did. No one knew what my father put me through, but since he was the leader and I his son, if I merely said 'I got hurt', they would take it as a suitable answer. No one question the claw marks, they thought I was just like my father, probably picking on loners and rogues and only receiving a scratch.

I hated my father, but perhaps hated my clan-mates for not seeing me for me.

I snarled in response, and Rosefire muttered under her breath, "Just like his father." I let her get away with thinking I didn't hear her. She was a mouse-brain, just like every other cat in this Clan, and couldn't see past her nose.

What a fool.

She put cobwebs on my cheek to stop the bleeding, and cleaned the wound. The only thing I could recognize in the den was cobwebs though; I was only trained as a warrior and a warrior alone. Father taught me nothing else.

"Well, off you go." She meowed with fake-cheeriness, shooing me out of her den. Did she actually think that I couldn't tell she hated me? Everyone hated me. I was "my father's son", and my father killed the previous leader to get the position he holds now. He has no deputy, but everyone suspects he'll end up choosing me, his _spawn_.

I could care less either way.

I walked away from the den and snatched up a rabbit from the fresh-kill pile. Father would be coming into the clearing soon, and he said he never wanted to see my face inside camp unless I was in the "miserable apprentice's den". I had told him that he slept in a miserable death bed of the past leader and I ended up in the medicine cat's den for a moon. But hey, the look on his face was completely worth it. It felt good to defy him… But I didn't so much anymore. I was ten moons old, I had endured a long ten-moons of torture from him, and I knew now that he would not stop at torturing me—one day he might really kill me.

As I brought the rabbit into the apprentice's den, I though quietly, _Not that I care if I die. I just don't want to die at _his _claws._

As expected, when I entered with the rabbit, the other three apprentices of the Clan moved out of my way, and far away. One actually got up and stalked out of the den. I recognize him; Flamepaw. My father killed his mother, and one of his followers killed his sister. Not that I cared, really. I had pretty much lost all emotions but hate and anger by now.

I quickly ate the rabbit, then pushed the bones to the side. I heard the other apprentices talking once, saying this was a way of ticking them off. In all truth, I don't care what they think of me, or if they're ticked off or not. When they looked at me they saw the evil Cloudstar. I was not my own cat, I was seen as the follower… not Talonpaw, but a cat to be feared.

Or maybe I am to be feared. They say too much hate can be no good, and this certainly can't be a healthy amount of hate. Hahaha, so funny.

I closed my eyes and welcome sleep, the only time of day that I could be alone.

**CUT MY LIFE INTO **

**xPiEcEsx**

I woke up the next day very early in the morning. The other apprentices were still sleeping, and it was still slightly dark out. I slid out of the den and opened my jaws to taste the morning air. My mother, Silentfang, had told me that the air of the early morning was better than any other time of day. I agreed with her, as I did about everything.

But she's gone now. She got between my father and I—she tried to protect me. He killed her swiftly, and I've been left to face him alone. It… it scares me, to think that every day there will be more pain, and one day I will die at the paws of a tainted leader, not in a battle against another clan, where an honorable warrior defending their clan will kill me.

In the end, though, I really don't have any ideas for what I wish to do for my Clan in the future because… I don't see a future for me.

"You're up early."

I recognized the voice of him immediately. I ducked my head and flattened my ears, not having to look to know he was padding out of his den, walking slowly towards me, letting me savoring the fear of the pain he would surely give me. I was vaguely aware of a yawn come from inside the apprentice's den behind me, not caring to concentrate on the first possible witness to the wrath I had endured my whole life, the wrath that had killed my beloved mother.

A sharp pain interrupted my thoughts, slicing through my head. I wanted to wail but I held my tongue as I was sent across about a foxtail of ground, and I stumbled, trying to stand up. If I stayed down he would see it as too weak for his liking, would cause more hurt. I hate the hurt.

I felt blood drip somewhere on the side of my head, near my left eye, but I made no move of protest as he snarled at me,

"If you're awake early, you should bring back twice the amount of prey today, yes? Go on, get moving."

Ears still flat and head still down, I hurriedly rushed out of the Camp, my head still bleeding.

**XsuffocationX**

**xNOBREATHINGx**

I kept trying to catch prey, but the throbbing in my head kept throwing me off. Eventually I caught a mouse, but 'twice the amount' meant about eight pieces of prey. I didn't think of that much, though. I thought about the yawn.

At first I hadn't cared that someone in the apprentice's den must have witnessed a short spurt of his wrath. But then my head started to ease a little, and I realized, another apprentice witnessed it.

Yet made no move to help.

I almost let out a shrill cry of distress. Everyone had given up, there was no more fight against my father. I would forever be my father's son, and one day… one day I might actually turn into him, might lead the Clan like him, be feared like him, kill like him. It wasn't a slim chance. One day I would surely snap completely—one day I would be more than broken, I would be lifeless and with the need to torment and kill.

Such thoughts filled me with more fear and anger than when my father gave me hurt, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it….

Or was there?

I gazed out at the lake, saw how it shimmered in t he morning light. My head stopped throbbing, but I had lost a lot of blood. I would never be able to bring back enough prey in time, and I would be beaten again… except this time might be like one of his full-wraths, where he tore at my skin, and drove a single claw down my tail. I had many, many scars… I endured his wrath, but for what? For the chance to live? I already realized several times with less and less fear that I didn't care if I died, as long as it wasn't my father that killed me…

How beautiful the lake shined in this early morning. I decided I might go for a little swim in such a beautiful lake, where I could forget about my worries, my hurt, my anger, my hate… I could forget about my life, and drift away…

Cut my life into pieces

This is my last resort

Suffocation

No breathing

Don't give a fuck if I

Cut my arm bleeding


	2. Burned

Wow. I was worried this wouldn't be long enough, but damn-- 1,734 words? LOL. Hey, sorry the update took so long, and I'm going to have to say that I'm not responding to reviews this chapter. xD Too late at night... me tired...

Hey guys, dont just add this to favorites or story alert, would you mind popping in a review? I don't care if it's crappy or even sappy (lolrhyme), I just want the review count to go up... though I do like when people actually say things. :) This chappie has no song, nor will the next chappie. Only when I feel that one fits. ;; Next one will either be starvation or battle. And yes, this is supposed to be a confusing chapter.

* * *

_**I shrieked from the nursery, screaming, yowling, and wailing—but to no avail. Soon the smoke began to double, and pressing myself to the ground didn't help. I frantically looked to the side of me, and my sister's gaze was returned. She was scared, and… and I… I couldn't help my dear sister.**_

_**The nursery entrance was blocked off by fallen rubble and now a dead body (I didn't see who it was), the earthquake had done some mighty damage. The only opening was a small slit over the body… and the smoke came in through there.**_

_**It had started with a small earthquake. It caved in the nursery, with me and my sister inside. No one worried, until… until the lightning storm began, and I guess it must've hit something, because then cats started shrieking out, "Fire! Fire!"**_

_**No one came back to help us.**_

_**I closed me eyes and huddle against my sister and the ground, praying to StarClan that someone would come… and at least help my sister, if not me. I can't recall when, but I eventually stopped praying as the lack of oxygen made thoughts blurry…**_

I had been five moons old when that happened. I don't remember it, but apparently a warrior—Hailscorch—managed to break through and grab my sister, then run out. His sister Leafstorm crawled in through the small space to grab me and take me out.

My sister had inhaled too much smoke and died.

Me? I went crazy, I guess. Too much smoke, yet impossibly, but some tragic fate, I didn't die with my sister. But the smoke messed with my brain, and when I spoke it came out in babbles about how the fire was out to get me. Nobody believed me.

So I ran away.

_Four moons old._

_I run over to the elders to ask for a story, but stop when I hear my sister's name. She isn't with me, because she's very sick and has to sleep a lot… sometimes she doesn't wake up for a long time, and it scares me._

_But anyways, I heard—I heard them say "Dawnkit", so I listened._

"…_yes, that poor kit, she was born unhealthy because of the tragedy…"_

"_At least her brother will make it through kithood."_

"_A miracle that StarClan granted him a healthy life, even though his mother…"_

"_Yes, I heard her loner-mate died in a fire, it's a pity that she tried to go in and save…"_

"…_yes, yes, beautiful Silverdust—too kind for her own good, she sentenced her kit to…"_

"_Too much smoke inhalation when she was about to give birth, at least she made it back…"_

"…_poor Dawnkit, I hear that the medicine cat predicts she wont even…"_

_I didn't listen to the rest. I rushed to my sleeping sister's side and silently promised that I'd protect her from everything._

"_**...so sorry, Dawnkit inhaled too much smoke and was too weak to survive…"**_

"No!" I cry, then blink my eyes open and look around. I was in control again, not sub-consciously travelling nowhere while lost in memories. Of course, it doesn't take long…

"_You are the son of Scorch?"_

_I stared suspiciously (crazily) at the old cat. She had a few other cats with her, they had taken me to her after I answered them as to whom my parents were. They had looked at me pityingly, whispering among themselves._

_I hadn't cared to pay attention._

_The next time I had zoned into reality, the she-cat was telling me that Scorch lived to his name by burning, for he had infuriated her mother of which had control of fire. Anyone he was to mate would die of smoke, and she-kits would die the same. Males would burn._

_Then I zoned out, and by the time I was in control again, I was probably about three suns away. I figured that I'd imagined the whole event, another thing imagined to prove to myself that the fire was out to get me._

I let out a gasp, and looked around. I was underground, obviously. A little to the left of me was where the light was coming in, and I squirmed over to get out. It was obviously some sort of (tiny) badger-set that I decided to sleep in. My eyes took a moment to adjust to the light, but I noticed an old barn nearby. I was feeling hungry, so decided to go check for mice.

I took a few steps, and then nothingness came again.

See, when I 'zoned out', it wasn't like a blackness. Just… nothing. Perhaps I am thinking, but forget afterwars. All I know is that I blink, and the next thing I know I'm somewhere else and a hollowness is ebbing away.

I'm insane, can you tell?

When I'm back in my mind, the first thing I see is a tabby-brown she-cat and an actual brown-furred cat sitting near me.

"Brown?" I ask, but it comes out a little slurred. I wasn't that surprised that my voice wasn't hoarse from not being used—while I was in the nothing, I babbled out crazy talk, or so my mentor used to tell me.

He blinked at me in surprise (for reasons I can only guess—but I don't feel like it), then meowed slowly, "My father and mother were house-pets, bred brown by the Pinkers."

I stared at him blankly, and the tabby she-cat beside him swiftly translated, "His parents were kitty-pets, from a long line of brown cats." I still stared at her, not understanding the 'brown' part. "Twolegs." She added hastily, as if that was to explain it all. I shrugged.

"See, I told you he was a clan-cat! I had a friend in a Clan…" She was bragging to the brown cat, but I stared at the wall and blocked her out, thinking to myself. Then I meowed aloud, "Where… am I?"

They both stopped and stared at me again.

"You… don't remember?" She asked curiously. I stared at her blankly, and the brown cat narrowed his greenish-yellow eyes.

"Er…" I stumbled in my words, and then told them hastily, "I'm crazy. Sometimes—no, most of the time I'm 'zoned out' into the nothing, and I don't remember anything."

The skinny brown cat commented snidely, "Well, you sure do sound crazy even when you're—er—'zoned in'."

"Even when? What did I say when I was zoned out?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.

Then the tabby cat cut in, looking at me with big, interested blue eyes. "You said that the fire was out to get you, and that it was only a matter of time."

"Of course." I muttered. "It's always the same."

Then I zoned out.

"_What causes fires?"_

_The day after I had learned about how my father and mother died, I was curiously looking up at Shining-gaze, the queen that cared for my sister and I._

_She blinked her pretty yellow eyes, and then the orange-and-white she-cat shifted and meowed her answer sagely._

"_Well, when lightning strikes somewhere when it's dry out, fires can be started—and twolegs sometimes start fires. Accidentally or not, we don't know, nor care. They're odd creatures."_

When I zoned in, I could smell smoke. The two other cats (of which's names I had not yet learned) were sleeping, but the smoke woke me.

And I started to fear.

I turned around and was about to bolt out, but then realized that I couldn't leave the two cats that had obviously been caring for me. Even if the brown one acted sadistic towards me, he didn't deserve to die…

So I turned back and rolled on them.

"What the—?" The brown cat jumped up and snarled at me, but the tabby-she cat pricked her ears and shrieked, "Fire!"

The brown furred cat immediately helped his she-cat up and they both dashed out. I was right behind them—a mistake.

I hadn't realized how big the fire already was. I just smelled smoke, felt heat, and woke the two cats up, helped them get out. I hadn't realized it was big enough to burn down the top of the doors to the barn, and make the wooden-bar crash down and block my way out once the two loners got out.

I heard the she-cat give a cry, and even heard the brown cat yowl, "Hang in there!" But I knew it was over.

The fire was here to get me.

I zoned out again, zoning in probably a couple of heartbeats later, only to find a terrible, agonizing pain rippling through my body. I shrieked horrifically as the fire ripped across me, as I burned alive. It was… an unexplainable feeling. The pain rippled across me as my brain shrieked at me "_too hot, too hot!_" I stole a glance at myself, and my fur was pretty much gone, and my flesh was tearing and turning black. I almost gave another shriek, but then realized the last one was still there.

I started to roll on the ground in my panic, but I was rolling in burning hay. I prayed to StarClan, prayed hard, that the pain would just _stop!_ I asked them to end it, end it swiftly.

It wasn't the first time they didn't answer my prayers.

I continued to burn, be burned alive. Soon my eyes lost their sight—or perhaps I had completely lost my eyes? The pain became a numbing sensation; the scorching hot began to come into my inside as well. My shrieking had stopped, for the fire was in my throat. I wailed inwardly, screamed inwardly at StarClan. I screamed at them that the fire was too strong, shouldn't be this strong, and then asked them why I wasn't dead.

But they never answered me, and eventually my thoughts began to fall away as my flesh did from my bones.

And I zoned out.


	3. Bravery

Hah. I lied. This one is bravery, because Starfall gave a lovely idea. Hope you don't mind if I tweak it, though. xD

Yes, this does have drowning in it like the first one, but they're different scenarios.

Fayno

Thanks for pointing all that out! I'll try to upload a somewhat-fixed version of the chappie later. xD Busy right now, and need to catch up on updates. Again, thanks!

Yes. It did take me that long to update. But here's the update, suck it up. I wont even start another one until I have at least two reviews.

I suspect next will be Murder V.1, but I can't guarantee.

EDIT: I changed a few parts by request. I'll edit more later.

.x.i.i.i.

"_Hurry up, Dewpaw!" My brother had yowled from about two tail lengths ahead of me. Our mentors purred in amusement as they had trailed behind us, chatting about who knows what. That had been my first day as an apprentice. The day we had learned about my fear._

"C'mon in, sis'! The water's just fine!" Reedpaw dove into the river, while his mentor called out a scolding and dove in after him. But I couldn't concentrate, I just stared at the water… the water.

"Are you all right?" I could vaguely hear my mentor, Rosefall, meowing with a concerned tone by me. But… I couldn't respond. The water—

I felt pressure on my flank making it hard to breath. My lungs were screaming for air, so I dared to try and take a mouthful of air—but instead water tore into my lungs.

I felt myself fall on to my side, my gaze torn from the water to the reddish-orange fur of Rosefall.

"Dewpaw!" She mewled desperately, and I felt everything start to come together. Reedpaw and his mentor Twilightflare also stood by me, and Reedpaw looked panicked.

"Sh-should we get the medicine cat?" Reedpaw mewed, sounding so tiny next to the warriors.

"I—" I gasped out, and Reedpaw nearly jumped back while the warriors let out sighs of relief. "I'm fine. I don't know what happened…" I trailed off miserably, starting to feel embarrassed.

"You were yowling like you were in pain." Twilightflare commented, sounding casual but his eyes were rather frightened. He had never been one to show emotion in his voice, and right now I was rather glad for not having to hear that amount of panic in his voice.

.x.i.i.i.

"This has never happened before, has it…?" I asked quietly. It was my second moon as an apprentice, and I hadn't looked at water nor even gone near water since. Whenever I got close to the river or the lake, I would start to panic. I drank water from moss, and caught any prey I could find that wasn't fish. I could tell the Clan looked down on me, yet Rosefall hadn't given up.

Yet I had never dared to ask that question.

Rosefall looked at me, then spoke the answer I already knew.

"No, no it hasn't… Usually RiverClan cats…" She trailed off, then curled her tail around my back as I hunched over in misery.

"You can have the rest of my fish." She offered kindly, nosing it towards me, but I turned my head away sheepishly.

"You have to eat sometime!" Rosefall scolded me, narrowing her eyes. It was true—I hadn't eaten for perhaps three days now, and I was very skinny; my bones already were beginning to show. But that was because…

"_See the way the wimp eats all of the fish WE caught as if she contributes to the Clan."_

"_Did you know she can't even go to gatherings?"_

"_She can't possibly be a RiverClan cat! Maybe a WindClanner--they're afraid of their own tails, too."_

_I'm not afraid of my own tail! I wanted to yowl from the corner of the den, where I pretended I was asleep as I listened to the other apprentices. I'm just afraid of—water…_

_But what kind of RiverClan cat is afraid of water?_

"Are you ok?" Rosefall's voice spoke up in concern again, and I was grateful for the snap-back to reality. I hated wallowing in self-pity.

"Yeah, I was just thinking." I responded in the stupid quiet voice I had. I wanted to be one of the she-cat's that was stronger willed and had a powerful voice. But I wasn't… I guess I just hated everything about myself. Must've started when the Clan started to hate me—when everyone hates you, it's hard not to join in.

.x.i.i.i.

The leader just called a meeting. Reedpaw said that we're supposed to be made warriors today, so obviously we're so excited it takes us only a heartbeat to run over.

"Oh StarClan, I've been waiting **forever** for this!" Reedpaw whispered to me, and I grinned and bobbed my head up and down in agreement.

"Yeah, no one said being an apprentice took so long." I whispered, and he chuckled.

"You wait so long to be an apprentice, but then you have to wait longer to become a warrior!" He meowed, and we burst into quiet laughter. We continued to whisper silly things until Scarletstar waved her tail to silence everyone.

_She's going to call me up there!_ I thought to myself excitedly. I was now glad that I had started eating again; I didn't want to stand in front of the whole Clan looking scrawny and starved, like I had a few days ago. However, I didn't eat as much as a normal cat should, so I was still somewhat skinny, but at least I ate!

"Reedpaw, please come up."

I didn't hear much rest of what she was saying. Usually Scarletstar called both apprentices—or however many were receiving their warriors names—at the same time.

_It's no big deal. She'll call me up in a second, you just worry too much!_

"…you are now Reedstrike. Tonight you will sit vigil in silence."

Reedstrike didn't look too happy… It was now obvious I wouldn't receive my warrior name alongside my brother-- if, of course, I ever did get it at all.

"What about my apprentice?"

I hadn't even realized that I had been staring shamefully at the ground until I had to raise my head at the sound of the voice.

Rosefall's challenging, angered voice.

"What about your apprentice?" Scarletstar mused, her narrowed green eyes staring in annoyance at Rosefall.

"It is her time to be a warrior! We've trained har—" But Rosefall's outburst was cut off with a snarl from Scarletstar.

"We are RiverClan, yet she has never caught a fish! She does not even know how to swim, for StarClan's sake, and you say that you have trained hard? In my eyes—in the Clan's eyes—you have not trained at all! Your apprentice is worthless Rosefall, and I apologize for making you look bad by giving her to you. I should have given a fit warrior like you a braver apprentice!"

I didn't hear Rosefall's enraged response. I silently slunk back into the corner of the apprentice's den, where I curled up for a nice, peaceful, dreamless sleep.

.x.i.i.i.

"Let's go to the river."

Rosefall looked at me with narrowed eyes. It was the day after my brother's warrior ceremony, and though I had been silent for most of our hunt (or rather our _scavenge_ for any sort of prey out of water), now I spoke up. Bravely, if I might add.

"Don't let Scarletstar get to you." Rosefall meowed in a chastising way. "Eventually she'll give in."

That stubborn crimson furred cat? Give in? I didn't think so.

"Let's try anyways." I shrugged, picking up pace towards the river. We were awfully close, and I could feel my spine starting to tingle uncomfortably, but I ignored it.

"If you say so." Rosefall murmured and quickened her pace to keep up with me.

.x.i.i.i.

I took a breath, and started to walk into the river, Rosefall eyeing me carefully. However, as soon as I got my body into the water, I felt something in my mind snap.

…my lungs were burning from the water. I felt like I had been poisoned. I clamped my jaws shut, but the water was already inside. I looked around, but only saw blackness.

I woke up in the medicine cat's den. A frantic Rosefall said I had fainted.

.x.i.i.i.

Four days now since Reedstrike earned his warrior name.

It's night-time, and I volunteered to stay up and guard. Of course, I have other plans in mind.

Right now I'm standing by the lake, gazing in, pushing all the images of being trapped underwater out of my mind. I bravely begin to walk into the water.

_You shouldn't be doing this! At night, no less! This is dangerous!_

I push these thoughts out of my mind, for I am dead set on my choice.

I am going to swim, no matter what.

Now only my head is above the water. I turn around, planning to paddle back, but a sudden current pushes me under the water. I quickly go up and gasp for air, and move my head around frantically.

I can no longer see any land; it's too dark.

Fear rips through me, but I force myself to stay calm. I'm about to go into one direction when an even more powerful current pushes me under. This time though, I can't tell which way is up.

I start to swim in a direction I hope is towards the surface. I can't tell anymore whether I'm in the water or not. I felt pressure on my flank making it hard to breath. My lungs were screaming for air, so I dared to try and take a mouthful of air—but instead water tore into my lungs.

I tried to scream for help, tried to plead StarClan for mercy, but was only met with more water. Fear was rattling my body, and my lungs were burning from the water. I felt like I had been poisoned. I clamped my jaws shut, but the water was already inside. I looked around, but only saw blackness.

I could feel my heart thumping heart, and I slowly close my eyes, giving up to the water. Anything to end the pain, to breathe again.

I wish that I hadn't been that brave.

.III.

**_So yeah. Remember: I wont even touch microsoft word again 'till i have at least two more reviews. Get reviewing, you lazies! (and yes, that was hypocritical, but im in charge of updates, so bugger off xD)_**

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	4. Battle

I bounded happily after my mother, yellow eyes excited

A/N:

I had planned to make this chapter longer, but I think I've starved you of updates long enough. Sorry—it's been busy around my house lately, what with school starting and a baby on the way. –flails-

Shadowraining- Nope.

Feigning- Whoa. Thanks. Yeah, that was a somewhat sloppy chapter at parts because I wanted to get done pretty fast. xD "Oh StarClan, I've been waiting FOREVER for this!"—yeah. I realized this after I put the chapter in, but I had accidentally removed the bar thing with bold, italic, etc. and it took me a while to figure out how to get it back. O.o About her being afraid of water, I'll put that in when I make the big, big story that connects to each story... Which I wont tell you about till around chapter 6. xD **It will explain why this chapter mentions territories, as well.**

StarClan's- Favs and reviews make the world go round. 8D Ohhh, yes, I've been planning for torture. I love writing about torture. I'm demented like that. And illness—something about everyone around a cat dying, and finally they die… dramatic. Yes indeedy. 8D –dances-

Nightclaw- Aren't you the person that like reviewed on every chapter of Unloved by Deceived? I'm Deceived, for the record. xD Re-doing Unloved. Here's your update!

.**IV**.

I bounded happily after my mother, yellow eyes excited. I was leaving the barn for the first time, for I had just turned three moons. I knew mother was proud of me, and it made me happy.

Then my mother stopped once we were decently far into the tall grass in front of the barn, and flicked her tail—signaling me to scrunch into the grass, my grayish tabby pelt unseen as I huddled close to the earth.

We had gone over all the signals I was to follow, since apparently I was the only kit out of three to have survived to three moons. I guess that was why mother had been so cautious, so eager to keep me alive.

Or maybe it was just love.

My mother remained tensed, tasting the air as her ears flickered around nervously. I stared simply straight of where I was; not daring to move _anything_. After what seemed like forever, I could smell something odd come near us, but I couldn't quite see it from the grass. My mother let out a ferocious hiss and I could hear something scramble away swiftly.

"Just a fawn." She mewed softly to me as she relaxed herself. "It would have caused us no harm, but we must be careful. Does can and will get nasty if they think their fawns are in danger. Let's go opposite of where the fawn ran and hope that it's mother was in that direction."

Then my mother turned and started to walk in the other direction, but she slunk close to the ground. I mimicked her, hoping I could see her catch some prey.

After a little bit she stopped, and signaled with her tail to stay quiet. Then, with no warning, she pounced forth and caught a rabbit with one swift nip to it's neck. I watched in awe; to me there was nothing more powerful than my mother. She was brave, smart, strong… nothing could defeat her.

But all kits think that way, I s'ppose. Then reality hits you.

It's been three days since I went on my first exploration (with mother) outside of the barn. We had practiced every signal and what to do in every situation.

I guess we just hadn't planned for this one.

It was quite sudden. My mother flicked her tail to stay slow, then moments later pounced and caught a mouse. Next thing I knew was that my mother was pinned to the ground by another she-cat—one with madness in her eyes.

My mother raked the enemy's underbelly with her claws, and she shrieked. I would have imagined that the enemy cat would let go from pain, but I guess the madness drove her on to instead tear at my mother's neck.

I couldn't help but give a whimper.

The white furred cat with orange and gray splotches turned to face me, a cruel gleam in her eyes.

"I knew it." She hissed as she came closer to me, "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!"

Then she leapt at me, and in my stark terror I couldn't move my legs. She gave a hard thwack to my head, and consciousness almost left me, but I held on.

"D-don't kill me!" I gasped out as the world began to spin before my eyes, pain stabbing at my head. Her claws had been sheathed but it had hurt terribly—after all, I was only three moons old and she looked to be a fully-grown cat.

"Kill you?" She seemed surprised, and it soon became a mutual feeling.

"You're… you're not going to…?" I tried to look at her but then realized I was sprawled against the ground and it was too painful to move.

"No, no." She snarled, and I tensed for another painful blow, but it never came. "You are my son, I will not kill you."

"But I'm not your—"

Then the other blow came, but this time her paw slammed my head into the ground instead of thwacking me.

"Yes, I am now! That past creature is no longer your mother, I am, I am, I am!" She shrieked. "Say it, say it!"

I whimpered pitifully, and she snarled, picking me up by my scruff and giving me a hard shake.

"M-mother! You're—m-my—mother!" I wailed, fearing my neck would snap. She dropped me, and with her crazed green eyes she purred contentedly.

"Good, my **son**. What is you're name?"

I looked up at her wide eyed, the world spinning once again as I managed to mew out, "S-Strong! My name—is Strong."

She gazed at me in disbelief.

"Strong? Why is that, pray tell?" She snarled, and I worried that she'd get angry at me lying. Well, I didn't lie, but apparently that's not what she was thinking.

"Because—my siblings died, and I didn't, a-and I look like my father, who mo—" I stopped myself, and continued weakly, "my father's mate said he was strong, and I was like him, so she named me when I was two moons old for my strong traits."

I was breathing heavily as I scrambled to get on all for legs, ears down. I stared at the creature claiming to be my 'new' mother, and she stared back at me.

"All right, Strong. I like that. You're the only survivor, you say? Since your father's not here he must be dead too, so that means you are strong, yes? The only survivor of a whole family!"

She let out a horrid sounding rasp that must've been some form of laughter, then whipped around and began to leave.

"Follow me." She snarled over her shoulder, and I realized that I really had no choice but to follow her.

So I followed her like the scared wimp I was.

It had been three moons since the she-cat—"Furiae", is she called herself—kidnapped me and killed my mother. That is, my **real** mother. If I wanted to live, I needed to call Furiae my mother, for whenever I slip up she drags one claw down my forehead. I always have to quickly try to stop the bleeding, or else I start to fear I shall go blind.

But that is only one of the many torments she puts me through.

Sometimes I don't do anything "wrong". She just feels like slamming her paw into my head or crashing me against a tree while I'm walking. I would say it depends on her mood of how she acts, but I think she gets a new mood everyday. Sometimes I begin to wonder what happened to her that made her this way.

Furiae gave me new "lessons" on life. If I did not live up to my name, she said I would fade away like the rest of the weak. She stated that you must only care for yourself, and if you were in the company of another, you mustn't trust them completely.

She said other things too, but I just found her words about trust rather funny. I wonder if she held a hidden meaning in there, warning me not to trust her.

As if I'd ever trust that mad old she-cat.

"Strong."

Furiae's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and I jerked my head up to look at her. We had been walking for a while and now were amongst territory that I didn't know, and I wondered if she even knew where we were.

"You are six moons old," She continued, and I stared at her cautiously. What was she getting on to?

"Five through seven moons is when a kitten is taught how to hunt and fight, when they start to leave their mother. You are in-between right now."

I opened my mouth to ask what she was going to say, but snapped my jaws shut for fear that interrupting her would made her give me hurt.

"I will not have you leaving me. No, no, no!" She shrieked, unsheathing her claws. I widened my eyes, seeing where this was going. "No, I will kill you before you leave me! You are mine, mine, mine!"

Then she pounced, but I rolled over neatly to dodge her attack. Mother taught me a few basic moves when she was alive, and others I knew from watching Furiae and other rogue cats fight with each other. I had practiced them when she slept, hoping one day I could escape.

I didn't think it would be so soon—was I ready?

She let out a hiss of anger and frustration when I avoided her pounce, and within a heartbeat turned and lashed out with her left paw—claws unsheathed. I dodged to the side and decided that defending wouldn't win this battle. I dove in at her and clawed at her flank. I simply tore at whatever I could find for about a heart beat, then before she could whip around and strike me I jumped off, landing with a thud on my back but I rolled over swiftly to get on my feet once again.

She whipped around and managed to throw me over with her paw, then jumped on me.

I hadn't expected to get this far in the battle.

I hadn't expected I'd even survive through my life this long.

I **had** expected that I would die in this fight.

But I was not about to go down alone.

Furiae slashed at me and slash at me, leaving no part of my body without long, bleeding claw marks. I struggled to move, but she was standing on my stomach and I couldn't push her wait off—let alone breath. Finally she jumped off of me, starting to bite my stomach, tearing out flesh. By now I didn't have the strength to move. I was going to lose this battle. But I could win as well as lose.

She finally stopped, and took a step back, panting heavily, bloodlust leaving her eyes as she snarled at me.

"I will be watching as you die, you worthless piece of fox-dung. Mommy will be here."

_Mother… kind, protecting, loving… you are __**not her**__!_

With the last of my strength and rage I took her by surprise and managed to lurch forward, and tore out her neck.

"I... will die… alone." I huffed, then collapsed and let darkness take me.


	5. Inner Consciousness

A/n:

Don't have time for review-responses, only enough time to put this chapter up 'n stuffs. I'm looking for a beta reader, so if you're interested please PM me.

The lyrics i used in this chapter are from songs in this order: Disturbia (Rhianna), Animal I Have Become (Three Days Grace), and Believe (The Bravery)

I wont even touch Microsoft word until i have at least five review. ;D

Please note that this chapter focuses more on inner death, and that's why i did not get descriptive about the actual murder-death. If you have a better name for this chapter, do tell--i dont have any good ideas. xD

**.V.**

_It's a thief in the night  
__**To c**__**om**__**e **__**a**__**n**__**d gr**__**ab **__**yo**__**u x**_;;

Silentfang had always felt deeply attatched to Cloudheart, as Cloudheart was to her. They shore… a sort of bond, see. There was no reason for it, the bond between them just… happened.

For example, when they were just kits, Cloudheart—Cloudkit then, of course—always spoke for her. Indeed, like her name, she didn't like to speak, and the apprentices always teased her about it. Cloudkit would pull her away, telling her that they didn't need them.

Or when they were both apprentices. Grasswhisker, the medicine cat, always scolded her for not speaking. He said it made him worry that she had problems speaking, and by his tone Cloudpaw and Silentpaw could tell that he was hinting that he really did think that—not just worry about it.

Cloudpaw told Grasswhisker that Silentpaw didn't care. He knew her well. Of course, they both got "tick-duty" (as they called it) for that, but they didn't really care. When Silentpaw didn't care to open her mouth, Cloudpaw spoke for her, always getting the words right.

When they were ten moons, soon to be made warriors… well, that's when Silentpaw realized that her bond with Cloudheart was growing past their special friendship. Cloudpaw didn't notice yet, of course—Silentpaw noticed things about her and those around her first, all the time. She spent so much time in her own head that it was easy to figure out her own emotions, as well as her dear Cloudpaw's.

Yes, Silentpaw could tell what Cloudpaw felt, and Cloudpaw could tell what Silentpaw wanted to say.

When they were warriors, the special bond of theirs only grew, and by then even Cloudheart realized they weren't just friends anymore.

So they declared themselves mates without ever speaking a word to each other, for they knew they both accepted the fact that they were in love. They were probably the happiest pair of cats in ThunderClan, and Cloudheart was well respected for his authoritative yet truthful disposition—no one doubted that when Deerpelt became leader Cloudheart would definitely become deputy. Silentfang did not lack respect, though. She was well respected for being able to lend an ear and sort out problems, as well as her skill in battle. After all, she hadn't been named Silent_fang_ for nothing.

The trouble started when they were both about twenty-four moons.

Cloudheart had been made deputy a moon before, and the duo thought all was well. Cloudheart was definitely happy that he could be such a help to his Clan, while Silentfang was happy that it didn't go to her mate's head. All he thought about was the Clan—and Silentfang, of course.

But then the dreams started.

Cloudheart kept waking up without enough sleep, eyes fearful and dismayed as he pushed himself against Silentfang for comfort—but whenever she asked what the nightmares were about, he would shake his head and push himself closer. It racked Silentfang with grief that the dreams were so tormenting that the humble, strong, and respected deputy had to whimper against his mate for comfort. At least he woke up quietly enough that none of the other warriors could see him at such a weak state.

One night when he woke up in distress, he kept whispering to Silentfang, "I tried to stop him this time. I told him, I did, but he wouldn't listen—couldn't hear me. Why can't he hear me? Why wont he listen?"

Silentfang licked his ears quietly until he fell asleep to more peaceful dreams, wondering what his recurring nightmare held inside that it could make her love speak so madly.

The morning of the odd event, Cloudheart told Silentfang he wanted to show her something. She asked where it was, but Cloudheart didn't answer.

_He doesn't know. Is he trying to find something from his dreams?_ Silentfang had thought to herself as she followed him into the territory.

Then he stopped, and with his strong jaws took a long tree branch out of what looked like a rabbit hole.

Then Cloudheart crawled inside, and Silentfang swiftly followed…

…into a set of tunnels.

"_Here! It happened here! They're not dreams, Silentfang! Not—dreams—they're…"_ Then he collapsed onto the stony floor in grief, Silentfang hunched over him worriedly. He told her he wanted to sleep here, and to go back to Camp and tell everyone that he needed to think about a few things.

Silentfang did as she was told.

_R_un a _w a_ y before you _drown_

_O_r the streets will **b**ea**t** you _down_

**Turn back! Please! Listen to me—turn back!**

But the young cat couldn't hear the cries of the ThunderClan deputy. Indeed, Freedom Cries went in the tunnels, into his doom.

Again Cloudheart saw the young cat drown—_felt_ the tom drown. Every time Freedom Cries died… Cloudheart felt like he did as well.

Now Cloudheart was in the tunnels. Freedom Cries' angry spirit began to coo into his ear, words no other will ever know. No one will ever know what words—along with dreams—changed the deputy.

For when Cloudheart walked out, it wasn't the Cloudheart that Silentfang knew anymore.

_Cloudheart died in the tunnels._

**I can't escape this hell**

_Two moons later_

**So many times I've tried**

Silentfang had noticed something different about Cloudheart—but the thing she noticed most was that she couldn't tell what her mate was feeling anymore, so she couldn't tell what had changed. He never had nightmares anymore, so this at least pleased her.

Of course, her content feeling was faked, so Cloudheart would think she believed him.

Silentfang couldn't quite 'read' him anymore, but she could tell that the nightmares hadn't stopped. They just changed a little bit, maybe completely. But they were still nightmares, nightmares that kept changing him.

Poor Silentfang would never realize that every time Cloudheart dreamed since he slept in the tunnels, he died again… like a snake shedding of their skin.

Finally Silentfang voiced her distress when the most horrifying event occurred. It was small, perhaps to some it would be insignificant, but to Silentfang it wasn't.

Silentfang had padded over to the fresh-kill pile. She had just gotten back from a patrol that had immediately followed hunting, so she was tired and hungry. Flamekit, a kit that just turned five moons, was looking for a piece of prey he wanted as well, and looked up to see Silentfang. The kind little kit offered her a mole—just what she felt like eating.

Then Cloudheart came over, and told him that _they_ felt like eating a mouse. Silentfang went along with it, too shocked to try and explain she wanted a mole.

**But I'm still **_caged inside_

For in that single sentence, Cloudheart had confirmed that the bond was broken.

Sure, Cloudheart didn't always quite register what she wanted or wanted to say, but then he would quietly try to confirm with her what it was she wanted. Usually he was along the lines when he asked if he was right.

In this single sentence he not only confirmed that he had no idea what she wanted, he also put himself before her, so much did he do so that Cloudheart didn't even politely ask if she wanted to eat with him or have quiet thoughts to herself alone as she often did.

Cloudheart did not hint that he knew what he had done. It was easy enough for Silentfang to realize he didn't care.

_If he doesn't care, how will I tell him I carry his kits?_ Silentfang thought desperately that night. Surely he could respond like the old Cloudheart to that? She was two moons into it and already getting rather plump, but after he started acting differently she hadn't had the courage to tell him that he would be a father. What if he responded badly? If he wasn't putting his mate before himself, how would he be able to put his kits before himself?

**SoMeBoDy GeT mE tHrOuGh ThIs NiGhTmArE**

_**I can't control myself!**_

_He wont,_ A voice whispered to her, _He wont and you can't tell him. He mustn't know you will bear his kits, nor must he think that you have mated with another tom. Give them to Greenstare, where they will be loved!_

The voice had been so vivid, so descriptive, that the black-furred cat wanted to listen to it… but fell asleep too soon after it had been whispered into her ear to remember it in the morning.

_If only she had remembered._

So what if you can see

**the darkest side of me?**

_No one will ever change_

THIS ANIMAL I HAVE BECOME

Another moon passed. Silentfang was plump enough that she had to move into the nursery, and she pulled aside and told him she held his kits.

Cloudheart had purred and nuzzled her, and Silentfang was too joyful for his positive reaction to notice the sly look in his eyes, the heavy feeling of contempt coming off of him.

For Cloudheart was only thinking of how he could have his own little warriors now—cats that would obey him without question, cats that would be of his own blood.

Silentfang let herself be deceived, her inner heart crumbling as she sensed that her kits would not have a happy life.

_The dead Cloudheart screamed at the alive Cloudheart that night, yowled in despair and anger at the thoughts of what would happen to his kits._ Silentfang's _kits._

_But the old Cloudheart would never be able to get through, never be able to come back from the dead._

_I am hiding from some _beast

_but the _**beast**_ was always here_

Silentfang gave birth to three kits, but only one survived to the third moon—the others had been born wrong and died swiftly.

After the third moon, when she was sure her little son would survive, she named him Talonkit. He had the silver fur of Cloudheart's mother (though Cloudheart, of course, had creamy white fur from his father), and Silentfang's own yellow eyes. Cloudheart was pleased with the name as well as the kit's somewhat intimidating appearance.

In her fear for her kit, Silentfang began to raise Talonkit away from his father, quietly teaching him of the Warrior Code, which he must always obey. She taught him of moral, and she taught him of hope and trust.

Silentfang also taught her young son that some you should trust only lightly, until they prove to be completely trust-worthy.

Talonkit was quick to catch on, just like his mother, and quietly began to lift some trust off of his father.

After all, if Cloudheart was completely trust-worthy, would not his mother let him speak to his father more?

Cloudheart wasn't a stupid cat. He realized that Silentfang did not trust him to father _his_ kit, and grew rather angry. He had been making plans with his most trusted warriors of killing off Deerstar and taking over the Clan, and he wanted to raise Talonkit into a fine warrior that would be able to carry on Cloudheart's leadership. In his view, Silentfang was tainting his kit.

Watching without _eyes_ because the **beast**

_**IS JUST MY FEAR**_

Silentfang left little Talonkit in the care of another queen for fear of Cloudheart corrupting him and left camp to stretch her legs and hunt. Cloudheart followed without her knowing.

_Silentfang shrieked in agony as she felt claws rake through her flank, and as her blood spattered to the ground she crumpled, lifting her head into the green eyes…_

…_of the cat she once loved, Cloudheart._

"_Please stop!" She cried, desperate. She couldn't die! She had a kit to go back to! But he ignored her pleas and raked a claw down her stomach as he tore flesh off of her neck, trying to make it as painful as possible._

_The last thing Silentfang saw were the eyes of her mortified kit, whom had followed his mother to try and warn her that his father had followed her and was hiding in the bushes._

"_Goodbye, my sweet one." She murmured, to quiet for any cat to hear. "Stay strong."_

_Though he could not hear his mother, Talonkit could tell what she wanted to say to him._

That I am just nothing,

That is just what I've become.

What am I waiting for?

_It's already done._


End file.
